remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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