Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
