i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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