When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
