im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
