oh fat girl friday strikes again...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize