We won't sleep together?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
