my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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