i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
