some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
