So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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