dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i love accidental penises.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
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