yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
