Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
