You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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