Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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