You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Randomize
