You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
worst night to have a conscience
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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