I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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