yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I forgot how hot balto sounded
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
