Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
