There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
