I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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