Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
