Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
