All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
