We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I look better un-naked...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Randomize
