Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
