So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
