I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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