In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
