I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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