The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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