I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
