The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
