this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
