you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
