I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
