I want to stick my p in your. b.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
