I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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