you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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