I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize