I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
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So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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