Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
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