btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
