then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
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what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
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When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
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