the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
