dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Who did Billy Mays play for?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
