I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i came on her dog
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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