So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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