I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
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Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
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Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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