Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
