ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
