I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
