You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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