you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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