Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
