Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
