At least make sure they are 18
Why
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
