Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm just crazy horny about you
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
