You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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