A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
