The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
