I want to stick my p in your. b.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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